As we seek to ascend, so we descend. — The Forked Tongue by Flagg.
I ordered this book on a whim while Googling a particular phrase. My instincts were on target, as the intro alone is the more concise in explaining the true nature of some of us than my fumbling attempts (not to be posted). Though I would love to reprint the intro in its entirety here, I recommend previewing the book on Lulu. Better yet, buy a copy and help support a fellow deviant.
This is not a BDSM handbook; I’ve had enough of those, thank you very much. It is a book about the soul of sexual violence — the connection between the physical and heart/mind/spirit. The expectation to kneel, by the right person in the right way, can affect in a way an hour of tedious paddling cannot. Without the connection, the physical only leads to soreness and mental irritation.
The book goes into a number of mental techniques to be used. In the end, isn’t it all mindfuck? There’s no point, otherwise.
the search
I realized my true nature through a dream in second grade (I might post that). I’ve been adding to my knowledge since. Privately, personally, with very few people. And now I’m in a stage of life where I’m quite free of personal commitments and entanglements. There is something I’ve long wanted to try…
I’m seeking a particular patron — of which there are probably few. The offered experience is one they won’t often find in typical “scene” play-parties and probably not through professional submissives working in a dungeon.
From my perspective all my assignations have a darker tinge to them (vanilla patrons never know). It’s how I’m built. Though I go on about this other exploration of mine, it’s certainly not my only focus, it’s simply a part of me I’ve lived with all my life.
But this side of my nature requiries the most explanation. It’s not easily put into words or understood by most people. Even with those who do respond to me — so much depends on our chemistry as individuals. I don’t have some sort of set “menu” as on a professional submissive’s site (not that I consider myself a pro-sub). As stated before, I am simply myself. I see what I do as a circle bounding me from the outside world to allow certain freedoms within. The circles are different for every patron, as it should be since every relationship is unique. The boundaries are reset with every individual as mutually necessary.
I have few patrons and follow no script – high volume is required in order to form one in the first place.
terrible sacraments*
The only path to transcendence seemingly open to me is this. It has been with me all my life. I’ve pursued my nature as well as I can, with some pursuits more successful than others. I’m curious to see what I can achieve with the proverbial stranger, as opposed to someone with whom I’ve had a long relationship. I have an inkling this novel element will provide new avenues of exploration missing in a comfortable relationship.
For some of us — only in pain, debasement, servitude, humiliation and craven abandon can the core be unlocked and the divine approached. To be torn from ourselves is the only way of becoming whole, and more for a moment. The severe joys render us speechless.
* Another genius phrase from The Forked Tongue.