I began this to become a wonderful companion for select gentlemen. I have those capabilities. But contrasted with my unfulfilling personal sex life I realize I had fractured my sexuality in an attempt to severely delineate between my “real” sex and time with my patrons. I’m the same person no matter where I go (there I am); I’ve never had the luxury of multiple personalities – only self-created boundaries.
The solution is simple.
Remove self-imposed barriers with patrons. Why not? I have a better chemistry with them than awkward one-night stands where I feel I should be paid simply because I got little or nothing out of it on a personal level.
The few patrons I’ve had have given me much on a personal level. There is an enormous freedom in the unspoken rules of an assignation. Real life is messy and seeps into the bedroom, unwanted. Assignations shut the door firmly on real life – so patrons and I are free.
Paradoxical and goes against conventional wisdom about relationships. Conventional wisdom also suggests I should not make the changes I’m about to make, either.
I’ve often said I like to gamble with the intangibles.
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